Friday, January 17, 2014

Thinking a lot today

I know I block memories, periods of time because those were hard, because I suffered, I just purposely blocked those memories from my childhood, some from my teens years and some more from the time I was already adult, I was at work yesterday and this very pretty lady in her 40's approached me and asked me Are you Nolan's mother? she was about to cry she said I'm so sorry I can't come up with your name, I said yes I am Nolan's mom I am assuming she probably has an autistic child and they went to school together, she asked me don't you remember me? and I said I am so sorry I don't, she said we lived in a 3 floor building in Bayside, we both had just separated from our husbands was over 20 years ago, here I am with my brain in blank not idea, she said I became sick you took care of me for weeks, you used to take my son to play with Nolan so I could rest, she explained to me how encouraging I was for her and how Nolan helped her son because he used to make him laugh, after talking for like 20 minutes to me I started to remember, I felt so bad, I remembered she developed Diabetes and she was the most unlikely candidate for Diabetes, she was super thin, looked healthy and energetic, I had a hard time then accepting that, she had the most amazing memories of us, we were a special part of their lives in hard times and I forgot, I've been wondering since then who else have I forgotten? is sad, very sad.

Friday, July 12, 2013

My scraproom....once upon a time.

I am posting this because I need inspiration!
 Really my scraproom is so disorganized, messy I can't go in an create so here are some pictures of my scraproom from a couple of years ago:














































Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Are we all afraid of change?

Seems so strange that me that have been so happy working where i work( not allowed to say) since one of my favorite quotes has always been
" Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life"
and i have been so proud of that fact you know: do what you like and like what you do, i mean the $ sucks big time specially because my prior job as personal assistant was so much better paid, anyway been ME if you know me i can be obnoxious o arrogant about me and what i do, i take pride on doing things right just do the best i can possible be, not for you o anyone else for me because i firmly believe that if you are going to do something you should do YOUR best, i am very smart, creative, work hard without whining and complaining i do what I have to do and better than most people, i know that doesn't sound nice o i may sound intolerant looks like i don't accept failure and...no i just rather not to fail, i have 3 jobs
1 this one monday tuesday thursday and fridays
2 i have another as photographer on Manhattan wednesdays
3 one as a volunteer doing all the internet services for a non profit organization
Of course i will always be Nolan's mom my most challenging, enjoyable job
So i have decided i don't feel happy of going to job#1 i no longer wake up happy to go work, i drag myself there even though i love everyone, i love the place and what my job is i don't feel happy to work there anymore i feel sad and under appreciated everyone seems worry but i am at peace, i've done my best really i'm not sure what else i could have done.
Oh yeah and of course i heard why when no one can find a job you are leaving this after 4 years??
Good question, i truly believe money is an energy and is always around us, i've never had money issues as in to pay rent o eat, i do adjust to the current budget and is easy for me i can stop buying scrapbooking crap i'm not using immediately, stop eating out daily and so on as i said i do what i have to do.







Sunday, July 22, 2012

Hi there

I have become so incredibly busy that i just treasure every hr i get home o alone,since my last post Nolan has comeback to NY and i didn't o anyone else thought he was ready to come home,so he end up going to live with other 5 kids like him in a house here in Queens close enough but not easy for him to just go home and i not only became the floral designer at my store but i got them out of the "red numbers" as my boss said, i was not happy with my $alary so my boss allowed me to transfer to a store closer to me with better benefit$, more hrs and the chance to get away from a lot of bad vibes i was receiving there, i work mon,tue,thur and fri there as a floral designer and as scrapbooking advance instructor wed in Manhattan on my job as jewelry photographer, then get Nolan on the weekend, i have been on that roller coaster for months and getting exhausted and my apartment is been looking like an abandon hunted house no time o extra $ for a house keeper, i get to work lots of hrs sometimes too many for my own good and i am not complaining for working i LOVE my job and i feel privileged to be able to work doing what i like to do and doing it my way, just no the salary i deserve having a child that requires a private driver to come home is $, i need to focus my life on me a little bit i feel like life is going by and i just see the world and life just passing by me and i don't seem to catch up, time goes i know i look like 15-20 years younger than i am and i am grateful but the years are there and i am still alone, and i haven't accomplished anything i want in my life and least i haven't for the most part, i have been working with a therapist on Biological Decoding of Illness started because a friend paid for my first therapy with his sister on a day where Nolan was in the hospital for a change of meds this was his gift to Nolan but he can't do it so the purpose if to find where o how i can trough this therapy help Nolan be happier and heal all that she calls anger and violence instead of autism, it all makes sense so far, me been non believer(other than G'd and myself)we are far from getting there but i will make sure to post and publish any advance, I need to learn to slow down, I need to stop doing it all and doing it perfect, just knowing i can do things and i am good at what i do should be enough for me, i don't need anyone's approval, do need the recognition because it can give me a better job o $alary for example i was this week chosen to be decorating a showroom in Manhattan that was to be presented to the press i loved knowing people will admire my work although i doubt my name will be mention but i know it! I was going to show some pictures but i am not even sure if is legal.BTW i have become obsess with Follow Me on Pinterestfeel free to look!.


Monday, August 29, 2011

How life can change...

I am so amazed of how much has happen since my last post, been out of work for 5-6 weeks really was not good, however instead of whining and cry i meditated a lot, i am meditating at least 15 minutes each morning and visualized myself solving the situation, i was by the way listening to The Process by Esther and Jerry Hicks

At work the company has decided to restructure the way it works and my job has been a part time (5-12hrs) per week as floral designer assistant, the person in charge of the department applied for another position and everyone assumed the position was mine after all i've been doing it for years, i heard so many bad expectations for me from "others" and i had to kind of prove i could do it because we also got a new manager so i took it easy and blocked all that out of my brain and every time i even felt like thinking about it i saw myself happy on that counter designing floral arrangement's as simple as that, i have also decided to discipline myself a tad more, so i do wake up by 8,30am on non working days which means i get to bed by 12 instead of 3am so some improvement there, I've been cooking because my Dr told me i need to eat at least every 4 hrs, i take my lunch to work, save more and do my best not to miss my Zumba class with Luis, i am also controlling what i spend at work, on my goals is still getting my scraproom in shape, i have not scrapbook in so long but i am so into altered journals and that is Melody's fault because of her amazing program Soul Restoration where i learned to love ModPodge and altered journaling o visual journaling and get messy not so fricked out about the acid free stuff and yeah i got the position i am "the" floral designer at our store with it came a raise in $ and hrs(around 30) per week so i feel pretty balanced, still have to get to the gym which by the way i am still paying every month.
Nolan is still at Kolburne School even though he graduated and age out of the B Of Ed and NY state wants all the kids back just that have no way to accommodate them we are looking for a school here, i am not in a hurry i love for him to stay there until he is 22 and is possible, he is on a great place with amazing people he is not happy however, he is enjoying his friends and place but of course he wants to come home he wants to be back to NY i want him to get a school where he can learn and where he feels that he "belongs" he is a very friendly, talkative kid and much more high functioning for the schools we have found, we'll get what's right for him.


Why I"m doing this???

Oh Scrap!! is right,well i'm bored that's the main reason, by creating this blog also I'm hoping to get motivated to actually scrapbook,since i started scrapbooking maybe in '97 i was sure there was going to be a period of time in my life when i could just sit on my scraproom and scrapbook all those 1000's of pictures i take like a maniac,so when my son Nolan left to a boarding school in Massachusetts last November i assumed "this is it" well the first weeks between been worry every second about him,i also felt like shit for sending him away from me,so between the guilt and worry which are incredibly useless feelings by the way,i didn't bother scrapping,then came the time where i felt i shouldn't do anything, well besides work which is another story,i didn't want to do anything just sit quiet by the computer,the TV could be on but no sound,i believe silence is very healing i learned to enjoy been in silence,also the only thing my kitchen produced was my coffee i ordered food and ate out every single day i could actually sit and eat which is something i, as most moms of children with autism hardly ever do,i also assumed i was going to be able to sleep a whole night uninterrupted but my body was used to no sleeping so unless i take pills i still don't sleep all night,that lasted a few months until i realized i was getting fatter than ever so i walked 2 blocks up my street to the gym and registered and started 7 days a week like a maniac which lasted maybe another 3 weeks,i don't think i lost any weight i may be fatter hey it may be muscle LOL well i go now 3-4 days a week and i use an Ab Lounge,so here i am,maybe if i start posting my LO's and scrap work i can keep going,is not like i don't have the time now O that i need anything on my scraproom , i can get in there and scrap for 2 years and not need to buy glue, paint, glitter, chipboard, paper O embellisments.

The Recipe For Rosa

1 part Vitality 1 part Inspiration 1 part Friendship 1 part Wisdom1 part Power 1 part Charm 1 part Sexiness 1 part Mischief 1 part Shrewdness 1 part Pride Splash of Class Splash of Craftiness Splash of Cleverness Shake with passion

I am a Scrapping Queen!

What kind of scrapper are you?
You're a Scrapping Queen! You're a Scrapping Queen! You know and love every embellishment, color of paper, album size, technique and tool there is! And you should because you wouldn't be able to run your very successful online scrapbook shop without that vital knowledge. Scrapping's not just a hobby to you, it's a lifestyle! Your license plate says LUV2SCRP, your kids call you by your screen name scraplady rather than mom. Your scrap area is organized, categorized and alphabetized, but it's never completely clean cause your always working on a new layout. Your husband has had to put a padlock on his workshop to keep you from rooting around in there for new scrapping embellishments. Needless to say, scrapping has taking over your life! But when all is said and done, you know it's worth it because you'll have beautifully perserved memories to hand down from generation to generation (even if it means dressing the kids up in their Halloween costumes in August so you can use that new ghost stamp you bought.) Take this quiz!

8% Gross

You Are 8% Gross
You're not gross, but you tend to think everyone else is. And you're right... they are!
Some people may think you're a neat freak, but at least you'll never die of flesh eating bacteria.

Nolan

Nolan

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